party without overeating

I hosted a bridal shower tonight and made delicious turkey meatballs from Hungry Girl's 3 ingredient recipe email. You mix pineapple tidbits, crushed tomatoes, and ground turkey together and form them into meatballs. They were pretty tasty! Not my typical meal of choice but it made way way way too many so either I'm throwing a turkey meatball party or sticking them in the freezer. The best part of today was that I didn't overeat at the party. My friend Tricia is so sweet, an angel in fact! One girl brought a giant cheesecake from costco and by the end of the party there was tons left so when no one was listening she said, do you want me to just take this? and I said oh yes, (she totally gets my food issues) and she said ok, I'll just take it home and throw it away so no one gets hurt. What a true friend! She knows any girl with an entire delicious strawberry cheesecake in the house just spells trouble. We then secretly dumped out all the sugary beverages left behind, and threw away all the other food that spelled danger. There was enough healthy food that people brought to keep us full and satisfied and free of guilt which was awesome. Per request of my little brother I'm going to share my favorite recipes that are full of veggies, fiber, and flavor and low in fat and calories. This coming week will be recipe week!

On a side note, I totally farted outloud on the incline bench at the gym while doing sit ups and dan was there holding my feet down and there were 3 ladies about 5 feet away and I'm sure they heard and I just busted up laughing so hard I had to get off the bench...I've made it this far in my life without doing anything humiliating like that at the gym so I guess it was finally my turn to want to disappear from embarassment!

CRAVINGS for health

All I have to say tonight is that I am craving health. I am craving the energy of someone who exercises daily. I am craving to be the lady who eats vegetables 4-5 times a day and snacks on nuts and berries. I find myself thinking of the true health value of a food rather than just calories. My last endocrinologist check up was good and bad- good because she said that my blood work is beautiful and I have no signs of insulin resistance (which runs in my family) and my insulin and blood sugar is perfect. I made a commitment to myself when my dad was diagnosed with insulin resistance 10 years ago that I would never ever allow my lifestyle give me this disease. You can't just develop insulin resistance without having the genetics to do so and I definitely have the genetics in me to develop insulin resistance. It was actually when I learned that my dad is insulin resistant that I made a turning point in my own life, it's what helped me lose my first 35 pounds when I started losing weight. Having an endocrinologist tell me that my insulin and blood sugar is perfect was awesome. She told me my blood pressure is excellent and that my blood work shows I'm a very healthy person, the only thing putting me in an unhealthy category is my weight. That is the bad part. She told me my Hashimoto antibody numbers were 184 and normal is .25!!! She explained that this condition definitely affects weight and that I should be able to start losing weight pretty soon. She increased my thyroid medication and gave me some metformin even though I don't have insulin issues, she said it can help some people start losing weight. I think having a few questions answered gives me a little more motivation to keep trying and stick with it. I kind of gave up there for awhile- feeling like nothing I do will make me lose weight so why even try? Well I'm trying and I'm not giving up. Who knows what I'll have to do to make peace with my body and with food but I'm not giving up!

I just have a lot of feelings

One of my favorite movies is Mean Girls and I love the part when they are talking about their feelings and there's a girl there just pouring her heart out and she says, "I just have a lot of feelings." I totally feel like that girl most of the time...

These feelings aren't necessarily emotional feelings today though. The past few days I have made some observations about how certain foods make me feel.

Bagels- depending on the time of day, bagels either make me feel full and satisfied (morning) or bloated and gross (night)

Dan loves my homemade bagels so I make them regularly. I usually end up eating them because they're fast and easy and delicious. Sometimes they do give me a little bit of a stomach ache. I'm attributing this to the high carb content with no fiber or protein unless I've made them with whole wheat flour.

Hot cereal- this makes me feel awesome and full all the time. more on this later...



Candy/chocolates from the prize bag- almost immediately upon eating the chocolates from my piano prize bag I felt a slight burning in my stomach. It was so slight and subtle BUT I would have NEVER EVER in a million years noticed this discomfort if I wasn't being hyper-aware. Normally I would have just eaten them to my heart's content and never realize they were making me feel just a little uncomfortable.

Jelly beans/gumdrops- I recently bought a ton of candy for gingerbread houses and my big "Aunt stephy sugar cookie extravaganza." Of course I munched on some while putting them away and I noticed that about 5 minutes after eating about 5 gum drops and 5 jelly beans I had a burning feeling in my stomach and I felt sick. It wasn't very noticeable but since I'm really starting to pay attention to my reaction to certain foods I'm noticing how candy (something I've ALWAYS loved loved loved) actually makes me feel a little gross.

apples- incredible. I eat at least 1 apple a day. I may have already typed this but when Dan and I cleaned out the console of my car we found 6 apple cores. this is so gross but sometimes when I'm eating an apple while driving I put it in the console garbage if I don't have my plastic garbage bag close by...this just points to the fact that apples are the bomb and I eat them...frequently....and could write chapters about my favorite varieties of apples

salad greens- (including spinach and spring mix) these makes me feel content and yummy inside. My only qualm with salads is that while I love salads with all my heart, I get bored when I make them at home. If I'm at a restaurant I could eat my salad and take my entree home, but when I'm actually making my own salad, I feel bored. So what usually happens is I end up throwing away a lot of my costco sized salad mixes and Dan has given me 1 more chance that I can eat a giant bag of spinach in less than a week or I can buy costco sized bags anymore! I did find a salad keeping secret though- wrap your greens in paper towels are stick paper towels in the plastic box and they will stay fresh longer.

On the topic of restaurants- last night for date night we went to pizza pie cafe which is the same thing as Craigo's in IF and Rexburg. I got really full off my first few pieces of pizza and then had a salad and then Dan and I shared a few different pieces of dessert pizza. We both felt sick and bloated when we were finished. We had a discussion about how that kind of food feels very processed and "fake" but when we go to our favorite Italian restaurant, we never feel sick, even when we have eaten way too much. Our favorite Italian restaurant makes everything from scratch and everything is homemade and they use nothing but fresh high quality ingredients. There's just a difference in how processed foods make you feel verses real, homemade food made with fresh ingredients. Needless to say we'll skip the pizza buffet next time!

These are the observations I've made recently and I'm sure I'll make more. Currently my folder with all my homework assignments is MIA so unfortunately it might be awhile until I post the homework #3 and #4 but it's coming!!!

Not over doing it this year!!!

Wow. Some miracle happened yesterday. I think some light bulbs are starting to kick in. I've noticed that even though I am still not in touch with my hunger and fullness signals to really be making weight loss progress but I am making baby steps. Thanksgiving used to always be the day that I would just let loose and eat and eat and eat and eat until I was so sick I couldn't move. Well I've noticed that I hate feeling "stuffed" now. I really hate that feeling of pain and discomfort and I've stopped eating before the stuffed feeling kicks in. I think that means the next step is stopping before I've gotten "full," and the next step will be stopping at "satisfaction."I had a wonderful dinner and ate all the things I wanted and yes I felt full but I never got to the point of feeling sick which was awesome! I didn't even finish my pie (granted I did have 4 mini pieces of different kinds) but I just couldn't finish them all so I left them. I also started the day with 40 minutes of jogging/walking on the treadmill which felt really good.

I see my endocrinologist on Tuesday and will be really anxious to see what my thyroid is doing now. I know that this process might take several months but I'm really really hoping that she'll tell me that I should expect to be able to start losing weight soon. I am realizing that as I've done these "homework" assignments I am making little baby baby baby steps toward trusting myself with food and eating. Well since I am in Idaho Falls for Thanksgiving I am going to spend the rest of my time with my family and enjoy this time.

Nothing Artificial

Well I had a fabulous weekend. Dan and I went to Park City and ate at Ruth's Chris for dinner (giftcard from his boss) and it was AMAZING. I had the fillet and shrimp and the fillet was coated in blue cheese and panko and was to die for. This place is so expensive, our entrees alone were $40 each! One steak on the menu was $86. That's more than I have ever spent on jeans! Well there was so much delicious food and I enjoyed every last bite.

It's time to get back on the bandwagon of eating wholesome foods and getting some exercise in. I watched an incredible documentary called "The Beautiful Truth." It covers a lot of ground about food, processed food, cancer, and many other things. I used to avoid aspartame- for years I avoided diet sodas and anything that contained aspartame because I knew it was a carcinogen. Somewhere I lost my devotion to healthy eating habits and stopped eating for health and started eating for pleasure and numbing myself. Well I am reawakening. This documentary really got me thinking about the food we put in our bodies and how much food affects our health and well being. It's no wonder I am grouchy and tired when I'm constantly giving my body more than it wants to eat or not enough to eat and filling it full of pretend food. I have not been drinking diet soda and was reminded that diet soda is harder on your body and more dangerous than drinking a regular soda. I remembered that when I order a diet coke at a restaurant I drink and drink and drink it- if I order a regular soda I barely go through one glass. There is substance in regular sodas even though they are empty calories but at least your body isn't getting tricked. I have been told several times that artificial sweeteners have the same affect on your blood sugar as regular sugar- whether this is true, I don't know- but I am really starting to think about my choices of fake food. I think if I want something sweet, I should have the real deal, just in moderation, rather than trying to fill up on pretend diet foods. I have so many thoughts going through my head right now but it's getting late and I really don't have the time to write them all down. Once my recital is over though...oh...be prepared! I am so excited to rediscover all the things I used to know about true health. Bottoms up to regular soda!

I ate Cafe Rio. And didn't get stuffed.

So today I spent the day with my mom and Dan and I am a little stressed and sad because I can't find our ipod. I had it on Wednesday and remember using it to find my phone before we left the house and how it's gone. I use that thing all day to track my calories!! I had a rough day trying to find it and clean and sew and get ready for our weekend get away. My mom took me to dinner/lunch and we went to cafe rio. I enjoyed my pork salad and ate until I was full and then just a little more but realized that I had only eaten half the salad. My mom and I got two things to share- a burrito and a salad and I didn't even get to the burrito and between the two of us we still left most of the tortilla in the salad. I used to eat the whole thing! Can you believe that? I think I'm getting used to not feeling stuffed so now I hate the feeling of being stuffed. I'm not going to write much other than the success of the day because I want to spend time with the family. I didn't exercise today...we planned to go for a walk but we just had too much going on. I didn't earn my notebook but making a goal/plan really helped motivate me go work out when I probably would have found an excuse not to which feels really awesome.

Green green green

What a day. It turns out my voice teacher has more confidence in me than I do. I was so happy to have some reassurance today in my lesson because I spent an entire week beating myself up. I think I will be able to manage my stress better this week and not use food so much to "fix" all my problems.

I decided to try trusting myself a little more with portions, eating when I'm hungry, and not trying to follow "rules." This is one of the steps of the intuitive eating program that I still haven't scanned in for everyone. I believe that there has to be rules and parameters for people to lose weight but I also know that at some point you have to start believing in yourself and listening to what your body is telling you it needs, when to eat, and when to stop eating.

I know that sometimes I wait too long to eat in the mornings. I never skip breakfast but sometimes I work out before I eat and sometimes I work out after I eat. This morning I waited about an hour after I woke up to eat because my tummy wasn't feeling hungry until then. I warmed up the last of 2 cinnamon rolls my cousin gave me and savored every last bite. I tried to really enjoy my breakfast and it reminded me of working in a bakery. I don't eat cinnamon rolls or dessert for breakfast hardly ever. I am the pro at eating dessert for dinner but I decided to allow myself to eat the cinnamon roll that had been speaking to me and ENJOY every last bite. I went for a very vigorous run later in the morning and kept a rip roaring pace for about 40 minutes. I downloaded a podcast for free that has running music and this week's episode is designed to increase your pace. There is a warm up and then 8 minutes of fast pace, 3 minutes of medium pace, 8 minutes of fast pace, 3 minutes medium and then the final 8 minutes is so fast I could hardly even maintain my speed. I'm slow anyway but today it felt great to really push myself. I do have my very first race coming up in 25 days so I think it's good to really go for it.

I packed a very healthy lunch today and planned to eat it after my voice lesson at 2:00. I got hungry before then and ate my lunch when my body said "hungry!" I only ate my sandwich and apple but I felt full all the way until 6:00 when we had dinner. I was really craving vegetables and centered dinner around spinach, squash, and salad. I was really really proud of myself because I didn't pick at the Halloween candy until 5 minutes ago.

I saw myself do something AGAIN!!! I ate out of opportunity. Dan ate a sugar cookie so I thought I needed to have a cookie. There was a faint voice in the back of my head saying, "Steph, it's ok, you don't need a cookie! You've not even hungry!" But I kicked that voice out and ate a little cookie. I just did the same thing with some candy. Dan wanted some snacks before bed so I said, ah, pass me the bowl, I'll pick something out. I took 2 little pieces of candy and don't want anymore. I didn't even really want the 2 I just ate...gotta work on this!

The Podcast is "Podrunner" Another popular one I may have already mentioned is called "couch to 5K"