Life eventually took me further south to Utah. Shortly after moving to Salt Lake City for graduate school for a master's in vocal performance in 2007, I learned that one of my best friends, Hollie was tragically taken from this earth in a car accident over labor day weekend. This was the precipice to weight gain, confusion, and another round of finding myself. My emotional health was compromised and I returned to my days as a food addict. I hit rock bottom and stayed there for awhile. Burdened by grief, stress, school, uncertainty, and feeling out of place in my surroundings, I fled to Jackson Hole, my sanctuary, in the summer of 2009.
There's something magical and healing about those mountains and I spent my summer healing and recovering from an overwhelming two years of ups and downs, accomplishments and disappointments, and a whole lot of junk going on in my brain about my self worth. As I healed and started to believe in my worth and in my beauty, I decided settling was out of the question. I started to put my faith and trust in the only one who can heal us and lead us to where we really want and need to be, the Savior of us all, Jesus Christ. Through Him, I became whole again. Through Him, I started discovering my true worth. Through His miraculous love and mercy, I found joy and happiness again.
Once I got my sparkle back with the help of a VERY special friend I met at piano camp in 1996 who is one of my soul mates from another life, I met my amazing husband Dan. Dan is the light of my life, my rock, my best friend, and my biggest fan. I never imagined I would have it all! We were married in the Salt Lake Temple just three and a half months after meeting on eHarmony. Sure, it was fast but it was the easiest decision of my life and I've never been happier. I am more madly in love with him than I ever was with nature and mountains, although the two together might just be what heaven is like. Life with Dan is full of excitement, laughter, laughter, laughter, and laughter.
Right after getting married my health played a very very nasty trick on me and I started gaining a lot of weight very quickly. Unsure WHY, I blamed myself and my birth control. A year and almost 40 pounds later, I had tried everything and shed so many tears about losing my health. I felt defeated and like a failure, reaching a weight of 224 pounds. My fighting weight of 150 seemed so unreachable. My confidence was gone and I stopped wanting to see people. Luckily a wise endocrinologist did some thorough blood work and discovered the culprit- Hashimoto's thyroiditis. This is a terrible auto-immune disease that attacks your thyroid. Since the thyroid regulates metabolism and a dozen other body functions, my metabolism had been at a complete standstill since the onset of Hashimoto's. My antibody numbers were in the 300's and "normal" is .25, yes, that's right, less than 1.
Well, lots of synthroid, blogging, patience, frustration, and experiments with diet and exercise, I've managed to get my weight moving in the right direction. The support of friends and loved ones in real life and on this blog keep me motivated. I'm not giving up. I'm reaching my goal during this lifetime. During this journey I have decided to get real about my deep addiction to food and uncover the things I use food to cover up. Painful at time Yes, but a powerful journey that is worth it? Absolutely. I love hearing from readers and getting comments and want to share my journey with anyone who is interested in reading about it. My mission is to reclaim my health, gain power over my addiction, and ultimately rid myself of lies about what true beauty is, and encourage others to rediscover their incredible beauty. Thanks for stopping by and whoever you are, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL just the way you are.
