It's ok to be fat.

I wanted to write about this last night but was way too tired and probably wouldn't have been able to write my thoughts clearly. I love watching MTV's documentary shows. I was never allowed to watch MTV as a kid and now I know why- but some of their documentary shows are pretty eye opening. Their new show, "I used to be fat," follows teenagers who are overweight. They pair them with a personal trainer who works with them right after graduation so they can attend college without the all the extra weight. It's really inspiring.

Last night's episode was about an LDS girl from California. I was shocked by some of the comments her loving father made. I know he meant well but I found it extremely disturbing. He told her that if she wanted to get married she needed to lose weight and that the first thing a guy looks at is a girl's physique and a girl needs to be thin, shapely, and in shape if she wants to attract the right kind of guy.

This was not the first time I've heard things like this. I'm not an idiot. I know that most men, LDS or not are visual and would be very happy to end up with a "trophy wife" kind of woman. What was more disturbing was how much this family talked about marriage and dating. It was evident that this girl had been badgered her entire life about her weight because if she was overweight then she had zero, and I mean ZERO chance of getting married.

I was disappointed that out of all the episodes I watched, the only episode that focused on losing weight in order to date and "get a guy," was about a Mormon girl. There is so much wrong with this picture yet so much familiarity with that same kind of pressure. It broke my heart. Nothing about her health was mentioned from her family- it was either calling her names or talking about guys and dating.

Her brothers admitted to calling her names like big mac, fatso, chubby, etc. How is a girl ever supposed to believe she is worth anything if her own brothers and family members put her down because of her weight. This family of ALL THE FAMILIES should know better. They should have known they were talking about their sister, their daughter, a child of God. No religion makes a person perfect but when a person professes to be part of a religion that teaches we are all equal in the sight of God, they should at the very least treat others will love and respect.

This show brought up so many feelings to me. I have so many beautiful friends who are single and I know many of them blame being single on their weight. I did the same thing until I realized that if I really wanted to end up with a man that idolizes the perfect figure, then I would be miserable for the rest of my life and I needed to change my standards in dating and change what I was looking for.

It's more common for a woman to be concerned with appearances than it is for men. It's pretty common for a woman to want to have nice clothes, good hair, good makeup, and at least look somewhat fashionable. Women who care about these things typically look for a man that also cares about these things and I believe they do so without even realizing it. They are looking for a guy that has a fairly decent handle on fashion and trends and doesn't have a weird mustache and a bowl cut.

The problem with this picture is that there are plenty of prince charmings hiding under the bowl cut who just need a fabulous woman to take him to the barber and show him how to style his lovely locks of hair. It took me a long long time to realize that the reality is that in a room with 50 guys and 50 women, 45 of the guys are all interested in the same 5 girls, which leaves about 45 girls wondering why they are single and 5 guys frustrated that they can't get dates. Unfortunately most women fail to see the 5 guys as potentials- he's too nerdy, he's got bad hair, he's socially awkward, he's annoying, he has bad taste in music, he wears free t-shirts, he's part of the weird institute show choir.

Yeah, I've been there. I was one of the stupid girls who didn't realize that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be one of those 5 girls that the same 45 guys always wanted to date, yet somehow I think I was still trying to attract one of those 45 rather being smart enough to hunt for one of the 5 men who would love me just as I was. Sadly, I didn't even realize I had this problem until a wise friend pointed it out to me. 3 months later I was engaged to my sweet Dan.

This point has a lot of points.

1. A girl can still be fabulous, sexy, and beautiful when she is plus size

2. A girl is worth the same no matter how much she weighs. She will always be the same person, just more or less flesh to fit into jeans

3. Why didn't I know that I was worth as much as I am when I was 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, etc.???

4. Who's fault is it that I felt unworthy of the love of a man? Shallow men that perpetuate the notion that fat is worthless and ugly? The media? TV? Myself? Other women? Interesting question...still don't have the answer

5. A father has a lot of power- he shapes the self worth of his daughter- choose your husband wisely, then help him love your daughters and instill in them self worth.

6. Encourage your daughters to get an education- not all women will ever get married, teach them to be self sufficient and to love themselves first rather than teaching them they are only complete once they find a husband, boyfriend, or adoring man. A WOMAN IS COMPLETE AND WORTHY WITHOUT A MAN!!! Of course I love my husband I love being married but my worth is not dependent on that. I was confused for many years and believed the fallacy that my worth was only as great as the number on the scale and as great as the number of boys that were interested in me. HOW FALSE THIS IS!!!

7. Women out there who have read this far- whether you are single, married, divorced, engaged, widowed- please please please understand your value and your worth and reject that lies that you are worthless unless you are thin and have a man in your life.

8. If you have male friends who disrespect and degrade women with negative comments about their bodies, weight, and appearance, be brave and tell them that they are the ones who make it hard for women to believe that they are loveable just the way they are- it's hard enough to believe you are worth something when you are bombarded with images of perfect bodies and picture perfect families of trophy wives living the American dream without being reminded that there are indeed men who would only date a woman if she meets his visual standards. Please men, grow up and get a clue. If that's what you want, fine, but vocalizing that in front of your lady friends is absolutely disgusting. (hmm, can you tell I've been the listener to such conversations multiple times?????)

9. It's an interesting paradox that so many LDS and Christian women are single and desperately wanting to get married and progress in their lives with children and a husband and we are all taught to love one another and yet I am 100% positive that there are women, dear friends of mine rejected everyday because they are told they are not "pretty" enough, "thin" enough, or "hot" enough. Where's the love people!!! When does the brainwashing happen? How can it be reversed??????

10. I guess if you've never battled your weight these comments all seem a little harsh but it's the reality of many of us who have struggled with our weight. It's a constant struggle to believe in ourselves, our beauty, our value, and our worth because so much tells us otherwise.

11. I think it's ok to be overweight, but I am desperate to reach my goal weight for health reasons, #1 being I want to have a baby and don't want to risk complications from pregnancy because I was overweight, and #2 being overweight does cause health risks. It's ok to want to be at a healthy weight but we must always remind ourselves WHY we want to be thin. I struggle with the WHY's but I have to remind myself that it can't be motivated by vanity.

12. I love my husband. I love that he is madly in love with me, my curves, my hips, and my booty! I love that we are head over heels crazy for each other and he has never once made a negative remark about my weight or my body. I love him so much for how he loves me. He makes me beautiful because he won't let me believe otherwise!!! He was definitely one of the 5 great men that somehow got overlooked by the swarms of husband-hungry girls at BYU. I like to think he was constantly surrounded by guardian angels so he could be reserved just for me. In honor of this post I am posting my most beautiful pictures of myself at my heaviest weight.