I hit the 9 pound weight loss milestone this past week. I was actually really surprised I lost any weight at all considering how much food I ate while we were out of town.
I am so grateful for the progress I have made. I feel more hope about my weight and my self confidence than I have in a long time. I'm finally feeling like the journey is taking me to where I've been trying to go for years.
I realized this week that I still continue to stumble and that is OK. I've always tried to be a perfectionist in so many things that I have little tolerance for "slipping up." As I continue this journey I understand that falling is just part of the process.
I had to confront a lot of demons this week and after doing so, I feel stronger. I feel that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. I know that even though I compulsively eat every once in awhile, it's something that I can recover from and continue to eventually overcome all together.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. As I listened to a wonderful broadcast for women of my church this weekend, I felt strengthened and comforted. I was reminded that we are never alone in our trials and even though some things don't make sense, we are never forgotten.
As I gear up for another great week full of salad, salmon, and butternut squash, I am reminding myself that I am worth these lifestyle changes and that if I continue to adhere to my protocol and not take the easy way out of feeling my negative emotions by binging or compulsively eating, I am doing my precious body good. It does not serve me to beat myself up when I have a bad day, and it also doesn't serve me well to live in a world of denial about my food choices.
I have a great menu planned for the week. I'll be eating red pepper puree' soup, butternut squash soup, fresh guacamole, chicken satay salad, fresh strawberries & almond milk, orange chicken stir fry, and Greek salad. Planning ahead and writing out a menu makes all the difference in the world.
I will also be attending my first O.A. meeting tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. I'll be attending an online meeting from my bed...you know, just to get my feet wet. I might attend in person one day. For now, the online meeting seems to fit.
Have a great week!
A daily journey and journal for 1 year documenting my baby steps, my leaps, my backtracking, my progress and the struggle to reclaim my health.
I admire your bravery and it's awesome that you're learning so much about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI think one thing that makes it SO HARD is that we can really get any food invented by humankind at any time we want. It's an abundance of riches and choices. To me, sometimes it feels like a fight between what my mind/mouth wants and what my body wants. Even a little bit of the "forbidden" food isn't going to kill me outright. It will just mess with my digestion a little bit, slow down my recovery, whatever. And for my own gratification and so I don't get cranky, I choose to eat that food. It's my life, my body, right? I think for me, at this time, it feels like an act of rebellion to eat these foods, like I haven't settled on my identity as an eater. Am I going to eat what I want and pop pills to fix my ailments, or am I going to restrict what I eat, and get a little less enjoyment out of that, but know that my health is a little better? I still struggle with who I want to be on this. --Kristin
And the answer is probably not either/or, but finding the place on the spectrum that I can live with and enjoy.
DeleteThanks for your comment Kristin. I definitely relate to that feeling of an identity crisis with food sometimes. Some days I pride myself and my identity on eating "perfectly," just as someone with my condition should eat. Then there are moments where I'm eating something that is harming my health and I beat myself up. I am trying to beat myself up less when I'm not "perfect" but sometimes i feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Why can't this journey be easier??? Thanks for your support, it means a lot!
Delete