Can you keep a secret?

I feel sheepish lately because I have a weight loss/body image blog that I can't really contribute to for the next 8 months. I already tried writing a little post that was light hearted and not about weight or nutrition and felt like a giant fraud.

The fact of the matter is that I can't contribute to this blog from a weight loss perspective because apparently Dan and I actually got that whole baby making thing right our first try.

 I thought for sure it would take several months because of my weight, my thyroid, stress, and who knows what else we might be up against on Dan's end of things. I've watched many friends struggle with unexplained infertility including my last visiting teaching companion who was very open about her trial with it and so I just figured that I better not get my hopes up about anything happening too soon in case I might also suffer from infertility issues. Sometimes it's even hard for me to admit I am pregnant because I know there are those who yearn so badly for the same experience.

I remember feeling almost guilty and shy about announcing my engagement in my singles ward. I attended an AMAZING singles ward before I met Dan and many of the women were strong, successful, educated, ambitious and courageous women who had so much to offer the world. I have often said that the women of that ward could have ran the world or some huge corporation. What was heartbreaking was the tears that were often shed about being single. The unexplained reasons that these women had not had the opportunity to marry. Surely it wasn't because they weren't worthy of it, or because they weren't beautiful or successful, or any other number of reasons people might imagine. For some, it just hadn't happened yet, for others it is still a mystery that has no satisfactory explanation. Being one of the "younger" members of that ward (26 almost 27) was incredible because I had so many people to look up to. However, when I got engaged it was painful for me to show up at church knowing that I had been blessed with a future husband while so many of the equally deserving sisters around me yearned for the same thing. I just wanted everyone to have exactly what I had.

For reasons I am not able to comprehend, that is just how the Lord works. Sometimes we cannot explain why things do or don't happen. It is impossible to explain why some things happen the way they do. Some times we get what we want right away and sometimes we wish for something for our entire lives and we never get it. All I can say is that I really believe that the Lord takes care of all of us in His own way and He never forgets about any of us.

On that note, am I allowed to say "Holy Crap???" I am cautiously overjoyed right now. I am almost seven weeks pregnant and know that it is too soon to make an official public announcement, but I knew I couldn't just abandon my blog for 6 more weeks and do random posts about love and happiness.

Here's my request- please do not congratulate me via Facebook. I am not ready to spread the news with the whole world, but just to those who might be reading this blog and might be wondering why I dropped out of college this semester and haven't mentioned a thing about how much I worked out this week or how awesome I was at sticking to my diet.

Dan and I could not be happier right now and I am working on dragging myself out of bed 3-4 days a week to do my 4-mile walk. I have been very tired so far and my mammary glands must be making gallons of milk or something because not only are they enlarging, they feel like someone pressed them onto a table and then beat them with a meat tenderizer. No barfing yet, but I'm sure I have many more weeks to look forward to that adventure.

I will elaborate more later about my experience getting a confirmation pregnancy test at planned parenthood because it was a Friday and my doctor was gone and the health department was closed.