Don't Ask

Don't ask where my obsession with costumes and dress up came from but it started when I was probably two years old when I discovered I could dress myself. I don't really remember doing this, but from what my mom says it seems pretty typical of me. I would dress myself in layers- you know, shorts, pants, swimsuit, puffy slips, tights, the usual. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday because I get to wear a costume.

 One time when I was bored during grad school I decided to have photoshoot as sort of an ode to all those photoshopped pictures you see of people on facebook, except I was dressed as a clown. The new "welcome to my blog" photo is from that fabulous "photoshoot."

 I just thought it was appropriate for all that is about to happen in my life to have something to remind me to laugh as much as I can and to remember who I am deep down. No, I'm not a clown deep down, but I think somewhere in the last few years I buried my carefree self and I'm inviting her back. I want to embrace all parts of myself and that means I need to embrace a little more of my fun side.

We're moving again in 3 weeks and I'm starting school in a week in addition to teaching 5 days a week and life is going to be CRAZY!!! I need to give myself permission to have fun, even if it is in simple ways like having a clown photoshoot.

As always I'm still figuring out my food, my weight, my exercise routine, etc. But the nice thing is that it doesn't run my life the way it used to. I'm not afraid I'm going to give up on life and end up as a 450 woman anymore. I am not afraid of staying over a size 12 for the rest of my life. There are so many other things that are worse than shopping for a size XL.

As I was going through old boxes of clothes, I decided to get rid of all my "skinny" clothes as a favor to myself. Dan promised that when I reach my goal weight he will buy me all the "skinny" clothes I want. I'm not sure if he said that so he doesn't have to carry 3 boxes of un-wearable clothes up 3 flights of stairs, but I think he really meant it. I'm not that size right now and at this rate I won't be there for awhile. I'm not saying I won't get there, but no use packing boxes of clothes around that don't fit. When I shrink out of the clothes that fit now, I'll go buy new ones.

It feels good to love myself.