Rollercoaster

I feel like the past few months have just been a ROLLERCOASTER! Seriously.

I really am ok, but I know my hormones and emotions have been a little unpredictable and hence the major feelings of highs and lows that have been hard to deal with.

Sometimes I feel like there is no end in sight to my woes with weight gain. Sometimes I feel like there has to be something that will work. Other times I feel like it's all in vain and my body will never change. Then I have days where I just know in my heart of hearts that if I really commit to something really really hardcore or some weird way of eating or some emotional cleanse or some energy clearing something that I can break through my weight barriers.

That is why I feel like I am on a rollercoaster. I think something that has helped my rollercoaster is to make friends where we live. I feel like I actually have friends I can call now and that has been HUGE. I have finally put pictures up on my walls and decided that we are staying here for at least the next 9 months and starting to make this place my home.

I mentioned last post that I am considering an addiction recovery program through my church and I am 100% certain I am going to face my fears and see if I am allowed to go. I don't know the process but I am going to look into it. I wouldn't say that I necessarily have a "disordered" way of eating every single day or every single meal but food serves purposes in my life that are unhealthy and until I confront that demon I feel like I'm spinning my tires in the mud.

I am scared to death. I am afraid of the whole process. I can't even put into words how scary it is, but I feel like it's the next step for me on my journey and if it can help me establish a more healthy habits for stress management and coping mechanisms for others areas in my life then it will be worth it.