I cleaned out my closet yesterday and realized that my jeans from the fall/winter of 2010 can go on and off while they are buttoned. That was pretty sweet. I wish I was more excited than I am. I've just had a hard time staying motivated because I feel like I'm working out so hard and it's taking so long!!! Seriously. I cannot seem to get that damn scale to budge and yes it requires strong language. Sorry mom.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else but man, but I have weighed in the same 2 pound range for like 3 months now. Yeah yeah, my body composition changed a lot but for my mental health I really want to weigh less than 200 pounds. Just when I get down to 200.5, it seems like the next day I'm 202 again and then back down and then back up. It has been this way FOREVER it seems.
Sometimes I just want to cry because I'm doing all the necessary work and living a more healthy lifestyle than I have lived in years. I track everything I eat. I balance my food groups. I drink my water. I work out extra hard if I indulge a little too much. I feel like throwing in the towel sometimes. I know I am not perfect and that when there is a birthday, I eat cake, but come on!!! After I ate the cake I rode my bike for 2 hours.
I'm really hoping when I go get my body comp tested he tells me I've lost so more body fat or else this girl is going to break down at the rec center and start crying on the floor, kicking and screaming, and saying "WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My attitude is just a little fragile and it has been for a couple of months. I get excited about my progress then I get pissed off at the scale. I get excited about my fitness and then I see a picture of myself with a huge gut hanging out. I just get tired of it. I think people who have crappy eating habits and don't exercise should be where I'm at and people who work out like me and eat like I do should at least weigh less than 200 pounds. Sorry if anyone came to this blog for inspiration today, I don't have any. The more I am typing the more mad I'm getting so I better just stop. Maybe my sense of perspective is just jacked and I shouldn't expect so much.
You are really good about being honest with yourself. Don't beat me up for saying it but you are great. You are mad and you let it out. Some people are mad and they eat a whole box of Oreo's. (Trust me...I know).
ReplyDeleteYou probably weren't looking for comments, but I say YOU ROCK. There are plenty of people that couldn't do what you do....like bike 2 hours. You are in way better shape than most, and I just think you're awesome.
Stuffing emotions is like stuffing your face - it will eventually show up on your waistline (at least in my case). It's ok to get angry and be frustrated from time to time, just don't dwell on it too much. I think it is FABO that you can get your pants on and off without buttoning them! I love that - just don't sneeze or cough too hard or they may fall down. ;)
ReplyDeleteRemember to not compare yourself to anyone else - your body will figure things out if you are loving and patient enough towards it. You have excellent health besides just a few issues (I'm sure you could outbike me and even outrun me for that matter). Love you Steph and please know that I am one of your BIGGEST fans and am behind you 110%! Mwah!
I am having my own emotional/ perspective crisis right now too. it can be really hard to be happy about life sometimes. I like to compare myself to everyone else too. I wish that we could both feel better about ourselves. I commend you for pushing through all that emotion. I am currently in a very indulgent pity party mode. it is not useful. feel better soon. you should take a leisurely walk some time to take a "mini break" from exercising I hear that helps.
ReplyDeletethis to shall pass! hang in there! you are one amazing chicky! you will rock through this and soar, i have no doubts! you may not think you inspired anyone today but your honesty was a HUGE inspiration to me. I need to be more honest with myself about my eating! thank you thank you! yet again!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I totally hear you! I have been at 195-193 FOREVER!!! I thought I could totally be in the 180's by now. Every time I just want to throw int he towel and eat a bunch of crap, and then I freak out and think about how much I would have to workout if I did that. I just decided to put the scale away for a bit and just try to be happy and healthy for awhile. After my 10k in July I will get it out again. Keep it up. My prayers and with you! If you get a breakthrough I would love to know, and don't worry you will be in onderland soon and we can totally celebrate!!! Love your guts!
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