The bread that almost got me

We have Wi-Fi here at our hotel and I couldn't resist posting about my experience so far. I stayed on my program 99%. I packed my meals but we knew our first night would be a dining out night. We had a gift card for Macaroni Grill and figured what better time to use it then when on vacation!

Let me go back in time about 13 years. I was on our very competitive speech and debate team in high school and we always went to the Macaroni Grill when we were in Boise. I would always order the same thing- Penne pasta with gorgonzola cream sauce, extra sun dried tomatoes, and extra mushrooms. I LOVED this experience. It was our team dinner hot spot. We would all pig out until we were about to burst. I think I would eat 2 or 3 loaves of bread.

Fast forward to October 2008 & 2009. Macaroni Grill STILL remains my Italian (chain Italian restaurant) restaurant of choice. There is something about all the rosemary in the bread that makes me want to wet my pants with joy. I I went there to celebrate my birthday with dear friends in 2008, and again in 2009. In 2009 It was with DAN because we were engaged and he took me out for a very special birthday. Macaroni Grill will always be one of my favorite places for food, but it's always kind of this nostalgic place and me being the memory loving kind of girl I am, I knew going there last night would be dangerous.

I was watching the 3rd Season of Ruby last week and they had a food addiction specialist do some incredible work with Ruby and her friends. The short of what I learned that applies to this situation is that a food addict cannot take a vacation. Holidays and special occasions don't exist for food addicts. Since I do consider myself to be a food addict who is in recovery, I had to talk to myself about going out to dinner. I had to mentally prepare myself for this event with the mindset that special occasions can't be celebrated with food for me anymore.

My ever-supportive husband told me he would support me 100% in my decision because I told him part of me (who was starving and exhausted by this point) wanted to have just one meal to blow it on, but the other part of me wanted to stay true to my decision to stay on my program. He knows how much I love Macaroni Grill and how hard it would before me to resist the deliciousness there.

I didn't make my decision until we walked through the doors. I was seriously still on the fence until we got to the doors, and I said, you know, it's not worth it. It will take me off track, it will take my body 3 long uncomfortable days to get back on program if I go off. My health and my happiness are more important than bread. I'm going to stay on program the very best I can.

Once we looked at the menu, I was THRILLED that every item on the menu was accompanied by the amount of calories it contained. I looked at the salads and the grill items and finally decided that my best option that I would enjoy was a salad with sea scallops, roasted garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, and and wilted spinach. It was to die for! I savored every bite. I loved the intense flavors of lemon and roasted garlic. The wilted spinach was so tender and the sea scallops were amazing! I slowly ate my food and enjoyed every bite.

I admit that my 1% deviation came when I was staring at the bread and it smelled so good and so I cut a little tiny piece just big enough for my little fingers to hold and ate it. I did this 2 times and I savored every second of it! I know bread is not on my program but I walked away feeling triumphant for having maybe a tablespoon worth of bread rather than a loaf...or two...or three.

I walked out feeling satisfied rather than stuffed. I didn't have to waddle to the car. I didn't have to lay down on the bed with my pants off when we got to the hotel. I didn't have to moan about having a stuffed stomach all night. I was 100% comfortable and so proud of myself. There was no guilt and the funny thing about it was that 30 minutes after dinner, there were no thoughts of bread or deprivation running through my head.

This taught me that I am the one who gives myself permission to either indulge or stay true to a healthy lifestyle. I am the queen of justification- it's family, it's a party, it's a celebration, it's Christmas, it's a special occasion, etc. For me, I just can't take a day off from what I'm doing. Others can, but right now, I just can't and I am very happy about that decision for right now! Gotta go to Disneyland.