Reminded of things I ALREADY KNEW

Oh boy, I feel a little out of control. My house is DISASTER. I have been feeling tired despite plenty of sleep, and I feel a little overwhelmed. When Dan is home at night I just want to play instead of be a responsible adult and put the laundry away, clean my crafts up, do the dishes....this is not good. I am a strong believer that my environment reflects how I am feeling on the inside and if this is any indication that I am feeling some mixed emotions about my new program....then you must know I am nervous, excited, and anxious. I know I have what it takes to stick to this program. I know I have the support from home to stay committed. I know I have the discipline to devote myself to it. It's just an adjustment for me mentally. I have been preaching "NO DIETS" for 3 months straight and posting recipes about all things homemade and yet I am about to go on a diet that mostly comes out of packages. From what I understand there is very little sodium (unlike most packaged food) and no trans fat or high fructose corn syrup which is comforting. I really don't smell a rat with this program but it is an adjustment for me to swallow my pride, hang my hippie hat on the shelf, and just go for it without feeling a little bit....um....ashamed., no, that's not the right word, um, shy? Yes, I feel shy about this program. I feel like I'm going to be giving anyone who asks about it this long list of an explanation about the why's and how's I decided to take a dive into the unknown. It's just not something I have ever promoted or been a fan of but I know it's the right move for me and have confidence in this decision but in a small way I kind of feel like a sell out of sorts. I can't explain it- BUT on the other hand (wherever that phrase coems from) I am really excited to leave the stress of cooking and counting every single calorie, just leave all that behind for awhile and enjoy the simplicity of this program...on to something else.


I really have to say that I have not gone hog wild with eating. I haven't really kept my food journal going because I know that I won't be keeping track of calories starting Wednesday. I want to track my progress though, but maybe just not on myfitness pal. I guess I really have proven to myself that I am much less of an emotional and stress eater because I baked some cookies for us on Sunday and it was only 1 dozen and there are still 8 cookies -chocolate chip ones mind you- left on a plate. In my past life they'd all be gone by now. Yesterday I had a couple and today I threw 2 in my lunch bag as I was going out the door.  HUGE for me. It wasn't a hard choice to do this, it just felt right, it felt good, and I don't feel like I NEED the sugar or I'm going to die. My good friend Rachel and I got together to watch the bachelor and since we were doing dinner, we decided for my last going out night, we would share a cafe rio salad. I used to eat the whole thing- gross, I know- but we shared it and got the vinegarette dressing and it was delicious! Of course I ate the whole tortilla, which I said I wouldn't but it was sooooooo delicious. I felt good knowing that at one point in time, I ate the whole salad and all the dressing and this time I was more than stuffed with half a salad and the yummy vinegar dressing. I was reminded that if I eat until I actually feel full, I feel STUFFED 10 minutes later. That did happen tonight....half a salad is still a lot! I needed to be reminded that I really dislike feeling full and stuffed, in fact, I hate that feeling. I find myself eating more smaller meals just because it FEELS better to me physically. Good reminder tonight that feeling stuffed is the worst. These are my thoughts for tonight...still sorting some stuff out.