Turn that frown upside down

Thanks for the positive comments. It means to much to have old friend from high school cheering me on!! It is a battle that I wish I didn't have to fight but my life could be a lot worse. I have to keep reminding myself of that, even when the numbers on the scale make me want to cry my eyes out. I'm not weighing again until I see my endocrinologist in March. That is so so so scary for me but I have to get over the number on the scale. I can't let that number run my life. I have to move forward in making peace with myself, food, and exercise and I'll never do that if I'm always punishing myself. I was talking to Dan about this problem- I don't want to live a life of endless diets but I don't want to be overweight so where is the balance? Is it possible to just tune into my body and really feel how much I need to eat to lose weight? I've always relied on a specific program of calories in and calories out to lose weight. I've never just tuned in, listened to my body, and trusted my own instincts about how much I need to eat to lose weight. I think our bodies love being in a state of stasis- never gaining never losing- so what happens when it's better for your health to be losing weight? How do you gently treat your body and love away the extra pounds without punishing yourself? How do you help your body to know that in the long run it's better to be hungry now and tell it not to store everything you put in, but have your body trust you to let some of the excess go and in exchange gain years and years of life? How do you do this??? How do you also fight the Hashimoto's? Man things are stacked against me. I will find a way. I will find my path. It might not be today or tomorrow or next week or next month or even within this one year of journaling I'm doing. It might be 5 years down the road. I must remind myself the lesson I learned when I was 150 pounds- (which BTW is really really little for me) I am the same person when I'm 200 pounds as I am when I'm 150 pounds. The person inside the body NEVER changed, just the perception of myself. Sure there are probably a few people that treat me a little different when I'm heavy but that's their own problem. I am the same. I am lovable. I am beautiful. Unhappy with my weight? definitely, but a different person? never. I MUST remind myself this until I believe it.