I told you not to leave the bizmarks!!!

 I can't believe I missed a few days of blogging...and I'm not even teaching. I decided to take my friendless situation into my own hands and make friends with some of the single sisters in my ward. They are amazing. I feel so blessed to be in the ward I'm in and have made great friends with a few people. Dan and I had these awesome sisters over for dinner and we made our famous homemade giant stuffed soft pretzels. They were a HIT. One of the girls brought delicious cream filled bizmark doughnuts, maybe spelled bismarc, bismark, who cares. Well I ate one and it was delicious. Maybe it was so delicious because I usually just fantasize what those kinds of things taste like. Yes, I've had my share of doughnuts in my day but haven't had one since I saw the nutrition facts on a box about 2.5 years ago. They might as well be considered poison. Well I was feeling fancy and ate one for dessert. I asked her to take them and then we got chatting and she forgot to take them back with her. There were 3 left in the box and the next morning I seriously woke up thinking about the freaking bismarks!! What the heck? I tried to push the thought of the creamy, chocolate frosted doughnuts screaming at me out of my head but then I thought, just go eat the dang doughnut and get it over with, go to the gym, and eat something better for lunch. Well long story short I somehow ate all 3 in addition to a relatively healthy lunch and dinner. 3 bismarks. Moving on.

That was yesterday and now today I proved to myself that I do have self control and I can have "danger" foods around without consuming all of them. I follow a delicious blog called "the girl who ate everything," and she posts all kinds of things I would only dream of baking. I'm kind of funny that way- I really don't make bad foods for myself, sure I'll make cookies every once in awhile but for the most part I let other people make bad food and then eat it in large quantities. I rarely make really really naughty foods like homemade oreos. Well for about a month or so I've been going back to her post about homemade oreos and soft molasses cookies. Dan was at work tonight so I decided to make them to keep myself entertained. I made half the recipe, ate 2 and then just let the rest sit right in front of me while I finished an hour long show on my laptop. Seriously, I didn't eat anymore! This is basically unheard of for me and cookies but I really think every now and then I have little moments of progress that to some might seem like no big deal but to me it gives me hope that one day I will be free of emotional and compulsive eating or just plain over-eating! I didn't have overwhelming feelings to eat any more than I did, I just ate what I wanted and put the rest in a bag and I know there are plenty more for me to eat and I can have more if I want to and I don't have to feel guilty for eating them. Since I ate a big lunch at the temple I just figured the two cookies counted as dinner anyway and didn't eat anything else.

I do have a new year's eve pizza party tomorrow night and I'm kind of freaked out about it because it's a family party. Now don't get me wrong, I love love love my family but when I'm in really happy lovey dovey situations sometimes that's when my celebratory feasting is at its worst. I just eat and eat and eat to go along with all the great feelings I'm already feeling around the family. It doesn't help that the food is pizza- probably on the top 5 most tempting foods for me. We'll see how I do. I'll workout hard, eat good meals for breakfast and lunch and most of all NOT show up hungry. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah, one more thing- my new playlist has some new songs that might seem unusual, but I couldn't resist putting one of Neil Diamonds most powerful songs on the playlist, so don't just skip it, alright?