WIPE OUT!!!!

I remember an old voice teacher telling me how her weight watchers points counting for the day spelled a big fat wipe out and she would start again tomorrow. I think today spells wipe out for me. If you are in school then you know the time of the semester when you realize all in one moment that everything is about to hit the fan no matter what you've done to prevent this and suddenly the last day of school is coming at you a million miles an hour? yeah, today was that day for me. As I was driving to salt lake I realized I didn't bring my wallet. I was talking on the phone to Dan and told him I couldn't find my wallet and asked him to look around at home for it. He said he found it and I just started bawling. I started crying about how I am so unorganized and I can't even walk from one room to the other without feeling like I'm going to trip on my bags and my shoes I've left all over and that I am so stressed and so busy that when I finally get home at night I have zero energy or desire to do the slightest bit of housework and to top it off it got really ugly when I was howling "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE OUT OF BAGS ANYMORE!!! I DON'T WANT TO PACK MY CAR FULL OF 7 BAGS EVERY TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!" I think he was a slightly concerned about my sanity but I did have a point...I hate having the laptop bag, the lunch bag, a general purse bag, the music/homework bag, the piano bag, the prize bag, the gym clothes bag...yeah I really pack all those bags most of the time. I don't know how in the heck my life got so packed. One day I was completing my homework assignments 5 days before they were due and now I am barely getting them printed off minutes before I'm supposed to hand them in. Well, that was just today...but still. Today was a wake up call that I need to slow down and focus on my priorities before it's too late. I am NOT prepared for my upcoming recital. I have 1 month before my preview and all my music is half memorized and some of it is barely learned. How am I going to do this??? I am singing some of the hardest music I've ever learned and have been working on some of it since June and it's still hard and impossible. I think that my days are so packed that I haven't had time to internalize my music because I live each day hour by hour instead of taking time each day to let my music set in.

 As I reflected upon today it's easy to see why some days end up in massive caloric destruction. I had an awesome healthy breakfast of whole wheat pancakes and milk, roughly 350 calories and then a snack of an apple, and then came lunch- I got behind schedule with teaching and rehearsals and went to Arby's because they're the fastest place with a 250 calorie sandwich for $1 that has minimal fat grams. I inhaled my delicious ham sandwich, ran to the library, finished my assignment, ran to teach another voice lesson, ran to class, tried to heat up my leftover dinner (when I say leftover I really mean a dinner from about 2.5 months ago I stuck in the freezer for days like this) and this leftover dinner was less than desirable. Phyllo dough does NOT reheat well. Well after class I had technical difficulties with my computer so I couldn't print off my assignment, I was already 15 minutes late to my last 2 students and then I walk outside to a snow storm and a $15 parking ticket on my car. I cancelled my lessons and consumed as many tootsie rolls as a person can along the I-15 corridor stretch from Salt Lake to American Fork.  What was I thinking??? Allowing the prize bag to ride shot gun with me??? That's one reason I quit putting food and treats in the prizebag!! Sometimes I would put these disgusting dollar store cookie packs in the prize bag and when I was stressed I'd tear into them and think they tasted good when in reality they are disgusting and ghetto. The same thing happened when I would put dollar store fruit snacks in the prize bag- I would end up eating them!!!! WHO DOES THAT!!! Well, I do. As a rule I don't keep candy or food in the prize bag but with Halloween I couldn't resist replacing my junk toys from China with delicious tootsie rolls and Dots. Boy did I ever go to town on those tootsie rolls tonight. The inside of my car looks like and explosion of tootsie roll wrappers. Don't worry it doesn't stop there. I ask Dan what he wants for dinner and we decide it's the best plan to just get a $5 pizza (of course that's the BEST plan!! LOL!!) Well, 3 pieces of of pizza later I'm finally in bed under warm blankets wishing today was just a bad dream. Well right now it's probably best that I fill out my the survey on my Arby's receipt so I can get a free roast beef sandwich. Well I did eat an apple and some vegetables during my attempt to eat a leftover dinner. I think tomorrow will be a better day. I'm also going to be fair to myself and cancel a couple weeks of teaching so I have an entire week to devote to practicing. On the up side my husband was so concerned about my state of mind that when I got home the house was spotless and he had two pj options on the bed for me to pick from, how sweet??? I would go crazy without him. I just have to give him a shout out and tell him how much I love him. If it wasn't dark and raining right now I'd go out and take a picture of the inside of my car to showcase the tootsie roll explosion. It's kind of funny....

Well, today I lost my sanity. I hope I find it again tomorrow. I hope I can have the courage to cancel all piano lessons next week...I am such a scare-dy cat when it comes to cancelling...so many feelings of disappointing others...

I don't even know what this blog is about anymore!! One day I'm writing about nutrition and exercise and the next day it's about my breakdowns and piano lessons. Maybe tomorrow I'll post a sweet recipe involving fresh fall foods and how 100 ways to use a pumpkin. I hope everyone reading this knows what it's like to get to the end of their rope and consume a bag of tootsie rolls because misery loves company and I would feel much better about myself knowing I'm not the only one who has a wipe out every now and then.