Just when I thought I was off the hook for 9 months...

Did you miss me? Did you miss my depressing posts that made you feel like you were watching re-runs of Felicity and My So Called Life?

I didn't think I would have much to write about over the next several months since I'm not in weight loss mode, so I thought this ol blog might just kind of die over time.

I am realizing though that I need to focus on my health more than ever, it just can't be about weight loss. I can't put into words how grateful and excited I am to be pregnant. It has been very challenging physically, but that comes with the territory.

I'm going to be honest though, I was really concerned about getting pregnant because I'm so overweight, but I just got to a point where I was tired of trying so hard to lose weight and not being able to so I just kind of gave up. Once I "gave up" which meant not starving myself and over-exercising, I put on 5 pounds right away.

I was SO much less stressed though and I was happier. A few weeks later I took a pregnancy test, then another one, then another in the Smith's Marketplace restroom while away on a work conference, and then I finally started to believe I was pregnant! holy smokes! (I know, I made that sound SO easy. Trust me, after nearly two years of broken pregnancy tests that always came up negative, this one was a huge shock and surprise.)

I survived the first 12 weeks, but just barely. I went in for my 13 week ultra sound and the doctor said because I have Hashimotos and a family history of diabetes, I am super high risk for gestational diabetes. He said that at 14 weeks the placenta can go crazy and so it's a good idea to test early.

Good thing they did. I did the glucose tolerance test that most people do later in their pregnancy. My sugars were 178 and should have been below 99.

Many tears were shed. Of course I already have gestational diabetes! Lots of negative self-talk was had. Lots of blaming it on being morbidly obese and not exercising for the last 8 weeks. Blaming in on the fact that even the sight of a vegetable made me nearly vomit.

I see a diabetes specialist on Wednesday and I am really hoping they don't look at me and treat me like others in the medical profession have. If they start out with the basics and ask me if I know what a carbohydrate is and if I've ever heard of the glycemic index I may have to restrain my temper.

Oh the joys of being a morbidly obese woman who has tried as hard as I have to lose weight with no success. I just want the appointment to be quick and easy and for them to tell me how many carbs to have, how many times to test my blood sugar and how much to exercise and then let me go home.

Wish me luck.