Lots of thoughts

Wow. What a whirlwind of a weekend. I partied so hard in Pocatello and then partied even harder until I could barely walk up the stairs to our wonderful new bedroom in Orem. The second party was more of a moving party...which is obviously less fun than a going away party.

I decided to come back to medifast after a brief time away, and when I say brief I mean 2 full days and about 3 weeks of supplementing (remember, not CHEATING).

Let's be honest- I needed a break and I needed some Doritos, a Subway sandwich, some Reese's peanut butter cups, and cafe rio salads. Funny how I still haven't had pizza in 4 months. Well, I can't recall having pizza....maybe I have and I've forgotten about it...but I KNOW I haven't had a delicious burrito from Beto's in about 5 months and that is going to be on my list of must-haves at some point.

The first 3 days of medifast are pretty rough. You eliminate all sugar and refined carbohydrates from your diet and live on about 800-900 calories which can make even the most pleasant person grumpy. I have had a huge headache for the past 2 days and I'm hoping that by day #3 the headache clears like it says it will on the informational DVD.

I remember the same feelings of headaches and fatigue the first time I started medifast back in January. It all passes if you can get through those 3 days!

I have such an exciting goal to work towards. I am backpacking the Teton Crest trail for the 3rd time this August! I cannot WAIT. This is the most amazing trail in the world. It is always in Backpacker magazine when they write about the trails everyone has to hike before they die.

This trail has such significance to me for many reasons. First of all, I completed this trail with my dearest friend in Jackson Hole, D-money as they call her. She's amazing and funny and someone I trust to go into the backcountry with which actually says a lot. The 40 miles are intense and we relied on each other for strength, motivation, and support. It was worth it and we've wanted a second chance to do this trail ever since our first round in 2007.

The next reason this trail has such significance is when I got to Holly Lake, I was telling D all about my friend Hollie and how I was hiking up Cascade Canyon when she called to tell me she was engaged and I was screaming and jumping up and down on top of the rock I had climbed to to get bette reception. I was talking about Hollie and D asked me if I would sing a song for her when we got over paintbrush divide and could see Holly Lake below and we knew we only had about 8 more miles left. I sang one of my favorite folk songs, Loch Lomond, which was kind of significant because the words talk about two people taking different paths but knowing they'll come back to each other one day. Not to sound narcissistic but I love singing in the mountains because I feel so free and I can hear my voice echoing on the rocks. It's kind of awesome.

We both sat on top of that mountain pass and cried, and for some reason it felt really emotional up there for both of us. I didn't understand the significance of my emotions until I learned about 8 hours later that Hollie had been killed in a car accident while we were on our trip. I'm convinced that my soul knew already and that is why I had such an emotional moment looking down on Holly Lake.

 I'm so glad that D was there to console me. She took care of me and was there in my moment of need. She's always been there for me and is one of the most loving friends I have. It was a long night at her house. My little brother drove to Jackson the next day to drive me home, as I was in no shape to drive. The shock was just so overwhelming.

I'll never think of the crest trail without thinking about losing Hollie. I'm so excited to go on this trail again with Dan and D but I know it will bring up a lot of emotions. This isn't a bad thing. Feeling your pain is part of healing.

This past weekend has been a little rough for another reason. My heart is heavy and sad for many of my close SLC friends. The singles ward I was in before I met Dan is like a family and many of my close friends are still there. I wasn't there for long but I met some of the most incredible people while I was in that ward. A beautiful, wonderful girl from that circle of friends was tragically killed in a car accident over the weekend and although I had just a few brief encounters with her, she was someone I held in very very high esteem. There was something about her that just made you want to be around her more. I am so heartbroken for her best friend, Frances and reading her blog made me think about all the same feelings she is going through right now. I have a lot of friends who are just devastated by this tragedy and I wish there was something I could do to console them. Obviously it brings up emotions for me, but my heart is mostly broken for this beautiful girl's loved ones and friends. I've been there. I have lived that overwhelming grief and I still live with a lot of grief everyday. It gets better, but it never disappears.

 I guess the point of this is that life is so precious. Life is so fragile. Life can change in the blink of an eye. I've experienced that first hand in my family and with my dear friend Hollie. I just want to tell all my beautiful friends how much I appreciate them and appreciate their beauty and friendship. I am a strong believer in nurturing those relationships that are most important to you because you never know when something will happen to take a loved one away unexpectedly.

I know we will all live again and experiencing the death of a close friend or loved one can be a faith building experience. My own faith grew leaps and bounds as I developed a testimony that we really will live again through the life and atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. The role of Christ in my life is unexplainable and something I can't even put into words. I know that it's cliche to say all things are possible through Him, but it really is true! Everything is possible through Jesus Christ. Life after death is possible through Him. Overcoming trials is possible though Him. Even overcoming addiction (like my food addiction) is possible through Him and trust me, I beg and pray for help because I can't do it on my own.

This Easter weekend was a beautiful time to remember just how beautiful the gospel of Jesus Christ is. He lives and He blesses all his children, no matter what faith they belong to, He loves us all and takes care of us all and there is no better way to live than through Him.