The kind of mother I hope to be some day

I've been trying to follow my doctor's orders and RELAX more. I've climbed my apple tree and meditated, slept in, exercised for ENJOYMENT rather than punishment, and spent a lot of time with my wonderful husband.

I've tried very hard to not hate my body or myself all day long. I've tried to follow the wise words of friends and love myself. I've tried to see my body as a gift and not a prison.

We had a wonderful combined meeting in church yesterday where all the adult men and women came together for a message from our bishop. I sat next to my dear friend Madge. Madge is a master gardener, a wonderful woman, a mother, a grandmother, and someone who has become a true friend of mine here in Boise. She has had us over for dinner and we've had her and her husband over for dinner and we really get along great.

I was so glad I sat next to Madge yesterday. Dan was busy teaching the little kids songs since is the chorister for all the children in our ward, so I chose to sit with Madge.

They started the meeting with a movie. It was women of all ages and all positions in the church, and it was focused on motherhood. In fact, it was so good, I have included it here.

http://www.lds.org/training/wwlt/2013/bringing-up-children-in-light-and-truth?lang=eng

I was sitting there like normal, watching the movie, and then as the topic developed further, I realized I was going to have to fight off those feelings of sadness that I am not yet a mother and have not yet had the opportunity to follow this wonderful counsel.

About halfway through the video I couldn't fight the tears any longer. As tears streamed down my face, I tried to hide my pain, but the only thing I could do was reach over and take Madge's hand. She was there for me, she didn't have to say a word, but I was so thankful for my friend to be there for me.

I probably cut the circulation off since I was holding her hand so tight, but she just whispered to me, "Heavenly Father loves you. He will make everything right for you. He knows you. He knows your heartache, and He will make things right for you."

I am grateful for friends and family that care about me and pray for me and are there for me. I'm grateful that I have beautiful nieces and nephews that I get to smother with love and attention. I'm grateful for the bright eyes and smiles of children at church who have the purest hearts and testimonies. I am grateful for their sweet singing voices and their simple expressions.

For all of you that have children, you are probably swept up in taking care of their physical and emotional needs the best you can and would probably enjoy a day off once in awhile! You probably don't need me to remind you, but they are gifts, miracles, beauties, and sponges. I hope that if and when I become a parent, I can remember that and be the mother I so desperately want to be right now. The kind that is "in the moment" and the kind that celebrates the little things, and the kind that doesn't fret of an imperfect day or a giant mess.

Most importantly, I hope that one day I get to follow the counsel from that video. I hope to bring children up in light and truth. Until that time I hope to be an example for my nieces and nephews and all the beautiful children around me.