No more regrets

My family was in town for a mini family reunion and my little sister was telling me about this girl from our neighborhood who is trying out for "So you think you can dance." She is so incredibly talented and has pursued her dreams and talents. I was thinking how cool that is and how a lot of people never really follow their dreams, but good for her!

Then I realized that's exactly what I did when I was young and for the past 4 years or so all I have done is beat myself up for not getting a "practical" degree, not starting a career earlier, and for "wasting" so much time in the arts.

I've been living in a world of regrets for the past few years as I've realized just how difficult it is to have a meaningful, fulfilling, and well-paid career when you weren't ever really searching for one in the first place. I have beat myself up for the time I spent getting my bachelor's and master's degrees in music because I've often felt completely unprepared to have a career and isn't that why people go to college in the first place?

It reminded me of a time when I was still single and talking to another single guy that I had known almost my whole life. He was one of my older brother's friends and we happened to bump into each other at a church activity. He was pursuing dental school and we were talking about life and dating. He was telling me about a girl he had dated that was pursuing some art degree and was planning to become a museum curator. He just couldn't believe that anyone would waste their time and money to become a museum curator because the jobs would be few and far between and the pay would be terrible. I guess those are the only factors one should consider when choosing their "major"?

Now that I have one of those degrees where the jobs are few and far between and the pay is terrible if you do find a job in the world of music, I often question my decision and why I had such an idealistic mentality during my college years. What did I really think was going to happen at the end of school? Did I think that just because I had a master's degree I would get some great job? Well the answer is actually yes!

I had a pretty long list of the jobs I thought I would be able to get when I finished and guess what? I'm still not qualified for any of them. It's sad, but true.

I'm at a crossroads where I'm trying to be practical and have a second shot at that "practical" degree/career. I've spent many months thinking about what it is I would do with the rest of my life if I'm in a position where I will be working until retirement.

When I had that conversation with my sister, something inside of me snapped. I realized just how awesome my 20's were, just how amazing my college years were, just how incredible my experiences were as a musician in college. I had the time of my life and met friends that I'll cherish forever. That is definitely something valuable even if it didn't lead me to a "practical" career like dentistry.

People tell me all the time how cool they think it is that I have a master's degree and that I got to live in France and sing in castles in Europe. For the last few years I would roll my eyes and under my breath say, "yeah and it was even more awesome when I realized how un-marketable all my skills and degrees are..."

But now my attitude is a little different. I was one of the souls brave enough to actually pursue what I loved at the time. I don't love the piano near as much as I did when I was 18 years old, but at the time that was my life, my passion, and my greatest talent. I pursued it. I worked my butt off to finish a degree in piano performance. I worked even harder to earn my master's in vocal performance. It was a risk, it was hard, it was expensive, and it isn't something I use in my job or even do everyday. BUT, it was awesome and I'm glad I was brave enough to pursue my dreams.

I know I have a lot of unemployed music friends who are barely making it in the world and a lot of us just can't let go of the dream. It's like we have some how sold out if we quit pursuing our music "careers". I read an article once about all the Julliard graduates who are working in non-music fields and it made me feel a heck of a lot better. The truth is that most of us will never work in the music industry and that's ok. I'm not a sell out. At some point the desire to own a home, build my retirement, have great health insurance, and have a salary outweighed my desire to chase after my love of music.

I made a choice. I made a choice that I am happy with. Yes, my job is a lot less entertaining than making music, but I'm so grateful that I have a job that provides for my family. I'm grateful I chose the path I did in my early years so that I could have those experiences and never wonder what life would have been like had I chose the "safe" path.

Time to stop living with regrets! If I do choose to go back to school one day, it's going to be for something "practical" but something I enjoy as well. Until then I'm going to be grateful for what I have and start making some other plans for career and school option #2.