A Fresh Start.

I survived my wisdom tooth removal. Just barely though. The surgery part wasn't bad but about 3 days after my surgery I finally understood why people were warning me it was going to suck.

My jaw is so sore still. I have to stretch it everyday and apply hot compresses. (I've always wanted to say I've used hot compresses...sounds so 1950's to me)

Aside from never wanting to eat cream of wheat, oatmeal, or eggs for the rest of my life, I'm on the mend.

When my doctor told me, oh you'll totally lose weight after your surgery, I was like, AWESOME! Then I realized what people are able to eat when they have surgery- juice, applesauce, potatoes, oatmeal, pudding, ice cream....

You get the idea?

I'm not used to eating straight sugar and carbs for every meal and I did NOT lose any weight. It's ok, it wasn't weight loss surgery right?

Now that I'm able to KIND OF eat normal foods I'm ready to get back to some healthy habits. My hippy doctor said my bio-meridian results show I look better than I've ever looked (on the inside) and I sure feel better too. She suggested I do meal replacements for 2 meals and then stick to one meal a day for the next month to jumpstart my weight loss since I had a rough month and a half.

I actually feel like weight loss is on the bottom of my priority list for the first time in years. I realized last night that my obsession with weight loss has dwindled. I'm just ok with me right now. I'm not interested in getting obsessed with food or dieting or weight loss right now.

I'm more concerned with enjoying the holidays with friends and family before we move to Boise. I'm more concerned with finding a place to live and not just any place to live, but the PERFECT place to live. I'm fantasizing about living closer to mountain biking trails and enjoying a slower pace of life.

I told my husband that I know that weight loss is something I'm always going to think about and strive for, but it's really not a priority right now. I just want to take a break from thinking about it. Kind of like I want to take a break from thinking about getting pregnant. It's too stressful to try and try and try and not be successful at either one.

I have completely tabled the idea of getting pregnant until May of 2013. I just need a break from worrying about it and thinking about it. I feel the same way about weight loss right now.

After further examination of some thoughts brought about during my last counseling session, I believe that living in an environment and culture obsessed with perfection, beauty, trendiness, "thin-ness" and image has had more of an impact on me emotionally than I've given it credit.

When I think about moving back to Idaho, I feel so much safety. I have felt like an outsider here for years. I've gone through so many difficult things here and there's a lot of emotion still attached to those things.

I'm ready for a fresh start. I'm ready to be me again. I'm ready to move on from the past. I'm ready to let go. 

For that purpose, I'm going to focus on the present for the next 6 weeks and enjoy my last few weeks here without trying to lose weight. I'm really excited about it.