Progress in life and on the scale

I have been avoiding daily posts lately because I'm feeling so much more content with things in the weight department. I have been making little bits of progress and I'm getting much better at putting things in that whole "bigger picture" perspective.

So far, I am down 19.5 pounds. I had another pound loss this week which is so exciting because I have been at a plateau for a couple weeks. I have also been dealing with a lot of stress and with stress comes imbalance.

I have been subsidizing (no longer referring to it as CHEATING) my medifast meals with a little extra this and that, such as a few beans in some soup, a handful of corn chex, a few tortilla chips in my soup, and a little moment with the jar of peanut butter which we will discuss later.

I understand that the whole idea of medifast is to keep your carbs, fats, protein, and calories in this utopian balance to keep your body in a mild state of ketosis. I think those who stick to the program 100% for more than a few months deserve badges of honor. In the beginning the food was interesting and tasty. Now, almost 3 months later, I can taste the "medifast" taste in almost everything. It's even worse if I try combining the foods to invent new foods, it even makes my house smell like "medifast." This has happened to me before when I have OD'd on certain foods. I ate a lot of cliff bars and odwalla bars when I lived in France and now I can hardly choke one down because there are certain flavors that just hit the gag reflex.

Funny how nothing made by mother nature gives me the same sensation...

I still endorse medifast (even though I do so without compensation) because it is a program that has helped me reign in a lot of destructive habits and most importantly it has helped me lose almost 20 pounds!!!

Since being on a program without the freebies like "flex points" or a "cheat meal" I have had to learn to deal with my stress in other ways. I still get grumpy and emotional but I don't turn to food....as much.

There has been a little trouble in Tahiti this week on Dan's side of the family and although I would never discuss the details on the world wide web, the important part for me to acknowledge is that it was extremely stressful for me. Some nights I could hardly sleep and it was all I could think about. All I wanted was to be able to come up with some answers, and explanation, and a solution for me to fix the problem.

During this stressful time I REALLY wanted to throw in the towel and eat and eat and eat. There was one moment where I had already downed 2 string cheeses in 4 seconds and all I could think about was how frustrated I was and just wanted to eat everything in sight. For some reason I didn't. I think I reminded myself that the food wouldn't solve the problem, heck I couldn't even solve the problem and I am a human being! I didn't let food win, but we did fight for several days.

On occasion, I went above my 1 TBSP of peanut butter rule and it was more like 4 TBSP but that is such progress for me!!! It's kind of sick what foods I resort to eating. It's funny because normally it would be cookies but since I can't eat cookies it seems more acceptable to over-eat on foods that are on my program like fat free cream cheese, peanut butter and whipped cream in a can. (No comment on the whipped cream in a can) I was so excited to find their full list of approved foods because whipped cream in a can was on there!!! (in such small quantities it wasn't even worth it to try to get like 1/2 tsp!)

I realized this week that I haven't been perfect and that is ok. The bigger picture isn't just about losing weight but it is about learning how to let food be part of my life without it being the enemy. I still have some deeply engrained habits that will probably plague me for my whole life but learning how to overcome these destructive habits is part of my path of health. I resorted to a few of these habits this month and that is OK because I also resisted these habits many times.

I am sitting at 202 right now which is so close to 199.9!!! I think I'm going to start planning my 200 party because it is just around the corner for me!! When I get below 200 I also get a new pair of running shoes. I hope it happens in the next couple weeks because I am doing my spring triathlon April 16. And no, I am not ready for it but I'm doing it anyway even if I walk for the whole 5k section.

Getting out of the 200's is a huge goal. I was in the 200's in high school and then I didn't see the 200's for about 8 years so getting back under 200 is like getting my life back. I have also decided that when I complete my medifast program on July 9th (the date I set to keep my sanity) I am buying a new mountain bike. Dan told me a couple months ago he wants to get me a new mountain bike as my Gary Fischer is about 10 years old now and so I'm turning it into a reward for my accomplishment.

The biggest thing I've accepted this past month is that I cannot control how fast my body lets go of the weight and I am very excited about all my progress and am not giving up. My journey will be different from other people's and I just have to be patient.