My triathlon medal and the mystery 4 pounds

Remember when I was talking about my triathlon? Well it was yesterday and about a week before I chickened out and begged my good friend Julie to enter as a relay team which means she would do the 5K run and I would bike and swim. I just don't have the strength to train for a race on my meager 800-1,000 calorie diet so I figured this way I would still be able to participate. 

Julie is totally a trooper and we showed up for the race without really doing any training. Since it's late, I'll tell you this much- we finished the race and neither one of us stopped and we completed it in 1:32. She did the run in about 30 minutes which is freaking amazing! I thought I would dominate on the bike but my lungs started burning as soon as I started biking which has never happened to me. I'm not sure if it was the cold weather or my slow twitch muscles getting the shock of their life, but it was rough. I passed a lot of people for the first few miles and then the giant hill just killed me.

The course was 10 miles and wass completed by doing the 5 mile loop twice. I could barely make it up the hill. It was so steep and so long, but I pushed through and completed it both times. I lost a lot of time on the hills which was kind of disappointing. The swim was nice and easy but I felt like I was swimming super super slow. It was a great learning experience.

At the end of the race there was the big awards ceremony and since there were only 2 relay teams we actually had to go stand on the podium to receive our second place medals. Considering there were tons of people who did way better than us and didn't get a medal, it was kind of embarrassing to get a medal considering the 1st place team beat our time by 30 minutes. That's like an eternity in triathlon time. Oh well, I have a medal from my first triathlon and it gave me a lot to laugh about and be proud of.

After the triathlon I was starving and so I figured I would just eat lunch with my brother and nephews at Coneys, since I "earned" it. I had a corn dog, fries, and some frozen custard. I haven't eaten anything like this in a very long time. It was nice to have a full out "free day" but I did NOT like the consequences when I got on the scale this morning.

I gained a couple pounds last week which is totally understandable considering I didn't stay on my program during my sister's wedding (which was planned) Last week was full of major stress and major decisions and I didn't really do very well about eating when I was supposed to and honestly I kind of lost track of my meals most days. It has been pretty rough actually.

I cut myself some slack and realized it is a journey and it's not something I am going to master and never backtrack with, so instead of going into a deep depression about gaining a couple pounds I decided to just accept it as a normal part of my journey and move forward.

SO on top of those couple pounds I somehow managed to gain 4 in one day. Yes, 4 pounds. Overnight. I did eat some salty french fries but I must have really shocked my body because I don't think in my whole life I have ever gained 4 pounds in one day!!! I even added up my calories in my calorie counter and included all my pre and post race food, my big splurge at lunch, and the rest of my night and it totaled about 2200 calories. According to my calorie counter I burned about 1200 during my race. I don't believe any of that though. 4 pounds? That's so lame.

There, it's out there. I'm definitely not in One-derland anymore which is kind of depressing but I'll get back there. I just stared at the scale in shock. Then a beautiful thing happened, I showered, thought about how frustrated I was with myself, and then said, well, it is what it is, and it's time to just move forward.

I have heard the little food addict in me scream for attention lately and yesterday I let the food addict come out to play. In the end I actually felt really crappy and my stomach has been bothering me for the last 24+ hours. It is so strange for me to not eat protein and veggies and I found myself feeling really sick after eating normal people food. I actually woke up craving my medifast meals again. I really don't like my food addict self and even though she screams really loud sometimes, I always regret giving into the screaming.

To summarize, I backtracked and also acknowledged that it's not the end of the world, it's not a contest, it's not something I have to be perfect at. It's ok if I don't lose a certain amount each week. I already know that my body can't metabolize that much extra food even if I worked out for 8 hours that day. This is nothing new, but sometimes I slip into a little world of denial and pretend that for one day I can eat like a teenage boy and it won't catch up with me. Well, it caught up, so now it's time to quit wasting time testing my limits and go back to what I know.

The only person I cheat when I "cheat" is myself. I'm sad I kind of fell off the bandwagon, but I'm getting back on because honestly I feel so much better when I eat the way I know I need to. I have different needs and different health issues and I just don't have the luxury to have an all-out cheat day like some people. It's unfortunate but I guess I needed to try it again...probably some denial thing I gotta work through.

We are moving this week and I have a going away party and I'm kinda freaked out about how to managed everything I have going on right now and how to do it without turning to food. I just have a hard time having balance sometimes and when I get out of balance I let some of my worst habits come out, especially that "last chance to eat something naughty" kind of thinking. I hate that kind of thinking!!! it always gets me in trouble and then I feel a lot of guilt and shame. 

No more guilt and shame tonight. Instead I am going to remind myself that progress is not determined by one or 2 days of eating. In the whole scheme of things it was 2 or 3 days of exploratory eating out of 30 days of very clean and structured eating so I can't call myself a failure for a few days of eating off my program. 

Here's to a new week and the fact that I have a 2nd place medal from my first triathlon. I'm a super star.